BOARDWALK BARKER EXCLUSIVE
BwB News obtained a partial copy of Santa’s Naughty List. Portions remain redacted for Natl Security
More on this story as it develops...
HOLIDAY REPORT: CHAOS ON THE BOARDS! Realtors Swarm Santa
Children hoping to meet Santa were forced to wait behind the growing crowd of brokers
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BREAKING NEWS
Venezuela Threat Intensifies Just as Epstein Release Date Draws Closer
By Nico Nastradamas | BwB Political Correspondent
WASHINGTON - In recent days, U.S. officials have sharply escalated rhetoric surrounding Venezuela, describing the situation as an increasingly urgent national security concern and signaling that additional military and economic options are now actively under consideration.
This intensification follows years of relatively static U.S.–Venezuela policy, during which the situation — while tense — remained largely unchanged.
Separately, Congress has mandated that portions of long-sealed Jeffrey Epstein-related files be released to the public later this week, following sustained public pressure and bipartisan calls for transparency.
The timing of these two developments has not gone unnoticed.
As the Epstein document release date approaches, attention across Washington has simultaneously shifted toward Venezuela, with senior officials emphasizing the need for immediate focus and decisive action in the Caribbean region.
No connection between the two events has been formally stated.
For now, they remain distinct developments — unfolding on the same timeline.
More as this story develops.
Federal Redaction Teams Report Surge in PTSD, Carpal Tunnel Ahead of Epstein File Release
Officials emphasized that the goal of the operation is not to conceal information, but to ensure that “no unintended clarity” occurs.
LOCAL NEWS
ORDER NOW FOR CHRISTMAS - SUSSEX COUNTY COUNCIL
Just in time for Christmas, Delaware’s hottest holiday gift is finally here.
Now you can own your very own Sussex County Council — no zoning variances, campaign donations, or quality-of-life sacrifices required.
For decades, ownership of the real Sussex County Council has been limited to real-estate developers, commercial land speculators, and anyone willing to degrade the county for profit. But now, even you can bring one home for the holidays.
Perfect for the aspiring crony corporatist in your life.
And as a bonus, unlike the real thing, this Sussex County Council actually grows something green instead of destroying it.
OCEAN CITY GOLF PRO READY FOR QUIET FACTORY RETIREMENT
Talbot, 67, says he’s been dreaming of a simpler life - one with punch clocks, name tags, and a supervisor named Ron.
HEADLINES
US Capitol Tourist Seeks Bathroom, Grilled By Senate over Ethanol
Observers noted that after the first hour, it became increasingly clear that no one in the room was listening to anyone else.
C-store Sprawl Leads to Rumble in Lincoln
"...I knew I had found me. And honestly? It’s obscure and unreasonable enough to really piss off cis-hetero normies when I demand they not only use my pronouns but UNDERSTAND them.”
Man Convinced Homeless Secretly Drive BMWs, Own Beach Houses
“I’m not heartless,” Mark clarified. “If I knew they were really homeless, that’d be different. But you can’t know. And besides, half of them probably have better cars than me.”
Local Teen Cant Wait for Favorite Disney Star's Slutty Phase
“She’s just being herself,” the kid explained confidently. “It just happens to line up perfectly with a new album, tour, and rebrand rollout.”
Gender Consulting Agency Opens in Midway Shopping Center
"...I knew I had found me. And honestly? It’s obscure and unreasonable enough to really piss off cis-hetero normies when I demand they not only use my pronouns but UNDERSTAND them.”
Weathering The Woke Storm: NOAA DEI Policies Under Fire
A White House spokesman responded sharply, “The director will probably be fired by Monday if he can’t do his job and return our tropical storm naming to its roots. WASPy storm names are our heritage, and liberals are trying to destroy that.”
Santa Claus Returns To Philly, Goons in Tow, Looking for Naughties
By Megan Dawes | Associate Editor, Sports Contributor
PHILADELPHIA, PA - Big Red is here to deliver joy and maybe one or two upper-cuts. Don’t crowd him, and don’t bring up the 1968 snowball incident.”
Tanger Outlets Glory Hole Voted Top-10 by USA Today
Honor marks first national recognition for Sussex gloryholes since the Kmart restroom closed in 2016
Rehoboth Mole Whacker Takes Home Prize
Funland has not yet confirmed whether it will rename the booth in Enright’s honor, but insiders admit the idea has been discussed.
JOURNEY IN PHOTOS: Maryland Realtor Discovers African Ancestry, Starts Using N-word
After getting out of the hospital, Mr. Cobb promises to keep on fighting against oppression, not an easy task, he admits "when you look like the embodiment of 'The Man'."
RFKjr : If You Thought COV1D-19 Was Something You're Gonna LOVE COV1D-26!
In true grifter style consistent with the Trump Administration, the press event also included several product launches
AOC Passes No Legislation But Still Mixes Heckuva Daquiri
"If you’ve tasted her Woo-Woo, you’d vote for her too.”
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New STORE, NEW MERCH!
🐾 BREAKING NEWS: The Boardwalk Barker Shop is now officially live!
🐾 BwB is a viewer supported project and every shirt, mug, or hoodie sold helps keep the presses rolling so we can keep bringing you the news you didn't ask for, but definitely deserve.
WHERE ARE THEY NOW?: Bono Vox
RECENT NEWS
Delaware Students Rally Peers for Skee Ball Cause
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Mike Johnson Sponsors Bill Making Epstein Island The 51st State
An official bird: The Atlantic Bubbablower, and a memorable State Motto: “Ssshhhhhh!”
Area Man DOESN’T Get Robbed in Baltimore — “It Was a Pleasant Change”
“Usually we can count on at least one guy yelling ‘Ayy yo lemme hold dat’ within 20 minutes of arrival.”
Indian River High Sophomore Earns A+ on Moby Dick Essay, Immediately Suspended
The essay allegedly demonstrated a coherent understanding of Captain Ahab’s motivation, a feat previously achieved only by literary scholars and masochist
Schell Bros Announces Building of 'Cape-ville' Near Lewes
Quaint Theme Village To Reproduce Old-Time Charm Of Area. 'Unused' State Park Land To Be Reclaimed.
Lewes Man, Community Celebrate Rare Achievement: A Dental Appointment
Only Eight months Wait
Newark Teen Discovers Pop's Record Collection, shocked to find Music Can have Melody
Within minutes, Pop had dusted off the needle and lowered it onto a copy of Innervisions by Stevie Wonder.
The boys froze.
Stephen Miller Alleges Emancipation Proclamation Was Signed by Autopen, Calls Validity Into Question
“Illegally Freed Millions,” Says Stephen Miller, Citing Technical Error in 1863 Executive Action
NASA Time-Travel Program Shaken After First Chrononaut Begs Not to Return to Future
“Please, don’t send me back there. You don’t know what’s coming. This is paradise.”
DELDOT To Replace All Route 1 Traffic Lights With Roundabouts
Construction Is Set To Begin Memorial Day Weekend. Sussex County Council Spokesman Touts 'End Of Beach Congestion', 'Return Of Old-Timey Quality of Life' In Cape Region.
Rehoboth Police Officer and Roommate Celebrate 20 Years of Heterosexual Living w/Champagne Brunch
Local law enforcement veteran Officer Todd Kelner and his longtime roommate Bradley “Brad” Dempsey marked a major milestone...
Fenwick Island Treasure Hunter Unearths Cache of Lost Coins, Could Be Worth Fives of Dollars
In what experts are calling “a modest windfall” and “technically a find,” a local treasure hunter has unearthed...
TODAY IN HISTORY
COMING EVENTUALLY: "Yellow Flags & Red Flags"
DELMARVA VOICES
Southern Delaware Gender Consultancy Opens First-if-its- kind Agency in Delaware
For an additional $49.99, clients can purchase the optional “Pronoun Starter Pack,” which includes: – A laminated wallet card explaining your new pronouns in six steps, A QR code linking to a 38-page PDF for anyone who asks follow-up
Four Butchered In Gruesome Squabble Over Monopoly Dog Token
A Wicomico County Sheriff's spokesman confirmed that no Free Parking house rule was in play. Authorities report Wallace was, allegedly, a sore loser.
Local MAGA Enthusiast has No Balls
Haskins recruited his buddy Dale, who owns a 1997 backhoe and has a well-documented history of making bad decisions
Local Vegan Does CrossFit (apparently Also Medal of Honor Winner, Astronaut, and Nobel Laureate)
Guests at The Blue Moon were treated to live jazz, a tasteful buffet, and an unexpected encounter with a man who made sure everyone knew he was both vegan and a CrossFitter.
“No Kings” Protest? More Like “Yes Queens!” — A Runway Revolution Hits Rehoboth
Antifa doesn't have to mean Anti-Fashion.
"...within minutes, Route 1 had transformed into a catwalk of defiance, sequins..."
REVIEW: MILTON MIDDLE SCHOOL PRESENTS: "WINNIE THE POOH IN THE HUNDRED ACRE WOOD"
There are evenings in the theater that alter one’s relationship to art, and then there are evenings that simply...
Cheeky Somelier Snickers To Self After diners Accept Bottle of Sub-optimal Bordeaux
I smiled, the way only a sommelier can smile — with the pity of a saint and the glee of a man about to commit light fraud. “I have just the thing,” I told him.